It was beautiful to see all that snow coming down after a long time ... didnt sooth my nerves though. I have gone back to the old ways... getting high once every alternate day. The strange thing ? I dont feel a tiny morsel of guilt. Is that good or bad ? Trying to think not too much about it right now. Maybe I should just leave it at that... who has not got an addiction after all? Cigar, coffee, alcohol, cocaine, sex, ... For me its inimately related to my loneliness, with the devil inside. The devil is me though , im running from myself. Damn that sounds sensible but i cant do anything to stop it. Crashed in a friend's place yesterday just to get away from the stuff. In my moments of sanity I think Im in control and that theres nothing to worry. But then...
Saw Jerry Maguire after a looong time and for some reason just fell in love with the song 'secret garden' sung by 'the boss'.
'She'll let you in her car
To go drivin' round
She'll let you into the parts of herself
That'll bring you down
She'll let you in her heart
If you got a hammer and a vise
But into her secret garden, don't think twice'
well if that doesnt explain a woman .. 
