@ 24. 02. 07 – 21:25:35
First of all I have some interesting ads, courtesy google right above this text featuring such gems as habit(understandable), girls bra(?!) breaking the habit(fair enough), girls underwear(!!) . I dont know to what marvel in internet technology i owe this to. Did around 80kms of cycling and boy im stone dead tired now. still squeaky clean !! 
@ 19. 02. 07 – 16:53:31
On Saturday went walking along the Thames path near Mortlake for a good 15 km. The weather was good and it was a nice walk. There were lots of cyclists and runners using the path which followed the Thames almost all the way. And ofcourse the usual rowers , those beautiful men and women who row whatever the weather.
My friend was on the phone a fair bit midway through the walk, and just about the same time I spotted une belle femme going into a cafe. So I followed suite and was bowled over by the decor and the delicious smell of hot chocolate inside. We ended up ordering the chocolate with some pasty and soon had our feet up and enjoying the river breeze.
The beautiful woman, was working in the cafe, and so I got to see a lot of her and even stole a smile from her. But just couldnt get the courage to get up and go speak to her.After about an hour of pretending to listen to my friend and enjoy the scenery, I decided it was time to leave. We got up and lo and behold the damsel was by our side, to clear our table
.
I had to say something so I said ' thank you very much !'
...duh... 
ok deep breath... go for the kill buddy...
'that's beautiful earrings u got there' ..they were really beautiful
but she didnt understand, she looked confused.
so i used sign language and viola, that gorgeous smile again.
It will be one of life's eternal mysteries why i didnt proceed and ask her name and number.
i just left it at that , taking with me just her smile.
Enough for me that you are beautiful
Beauty posessed diminishes
Better a dream of love
Than love's dream broken
Better a look exchanged
Than love's word spoken
enough for me that you walk past
A firefly flashing in the dark
-Ruskin Bond.
Clean day no: 6
@ 15. 02. 07 – 17:29:26
What a great match it was... lately when ever Arsenal is playing it's nerve wracking excitement and ofcourse plenty of fast paced football as well. A very good way to spend V day huddled together with friends infront of the telly. With every new day the cycle is emitting new sounds, and looks about ready to be dumped in the scrapyard. But fear not my trusted friend, i will not desert you so fast 
Theres this newly blossomed 16 year old girl who dresses and wears make up like shes 25. For some strange reason shes hitting on moi. It doesn't help that shes got the curves in the right places and has smouldeing black eyes.Next time i bump into her will give her some brotherly advice, on how to seduce a man subtly 
the best news: a clean day yesterday and as of typing today as well
@ 13. 02. 07 – 18:42:00
It gets harder and harder to write here because l'ADDICTIONE is going on full steam ahead with no end in sight. Probably what i subconsciously wanted to do when i started the blog was to say that every day was a clean day. It has not happened im afraid. One thing ive resolved to continue doing is to be absolutely honest about this, though it makes me cringe inwardly. If you're depressed and dont feel like reading more , pop over to
potmonkey who seems to be doing a much better job in kicking her habit.
I just cant believe how im letting this habit walk all over me. A great philosopher once said you dont mature till youre 40, but ill be lucky if i mature at 60 the way things are going. The crazy thing is that all my friends/colleagues think Im perfectly happy. They dont know the torment im in...
no rest for the wicked...What it all boils down to is how bad you want the habit out of your life. If you really want to kick it, and feel very strongly about it, it really shouldn't be a problem, should it ?
@ 10. 02. 07 – 22:34:26
It was beautiful to see all that snow coming down after a long time ... didnt sooth my nerves though. I have gone back to the old ways... getting high once every alternate day. The strange thing ? I dont feel a tiny morsel of guilt. Is that good or bad ? Trying to think not too much about it right now. Maybe I should just leave it at that... who has not got an addiction after all? Cigar, coffee, alcohol, cocaine, sex, ... For me its inimately related to my loneliness, with the devil inside. The devil is me though , im running from myself. Damn that sounds sensible but i cant do anything to stop it. Crashed in a friend's place yesterday just to get away from the stuff. In my moments of sanity I think Im in control and that theres nothing to worry. But then...
Saw Jerry Maguire after a looong time and for some reason just fell in love with the song 'secret garden' sung by 'the boss'.
'She'll let you in her car
To go drivin' round
She'll let you into the parts of herself
That'll bring you down
She'll let you in her heart
If you got a hammer and a vise
But into her secret garden, don't think twice'
well if that doesnt explain a woman ..
@ 06. 02. 07 – 21:29:11
Damn, my eating habits have gone haywire . This usually happens in the winter , probably more so coz im trying to kick a habit. I can feel the body just going down in the dumps because the usual highs are just not coming. Its just like a kick in your guts when you least expect it. Ouch !! Though still clean i can feel the tension and the pressure building up. Things seem a bit crazy now... think im gonna give a fair share of the blame to the cold weather... would love to see the snow though. its one of the most awe inspiring moments when you wake up in the morning draw back the curtains and see this white silvery powder covering everthing. My only complaint is that im a frozen ice block when i cycle to work . Just cant seem to keep the cold from seeping into my glove clad fingers and up into my whole body...brrr...
@ 03. 02. 07 – 01:24:14
Just back from the screening of Blood Diamond at Leicester Square. Not bad at all and fully deserved the spontaneous applause it got at the end. Walking out to the drunken mayhem made it all surreal, hard to imagine there's another world out there. The 'problems' we have all suddenly seemed very infantile.
Almost a week into the clean phase now. Ateast on two occasions after my last post I had the stuff almost at my fingertips. All I had to do was reach out and it would have been mine. I don't have a clue what prevented me from going for it. Mentally feel like crap most of the time, and im just grinning and bearing it. I just don't want to go back to the euphoria nights again. The body must be missing all the adrenalin rush and probably why Im indulging in extremely flirtatious behaviour with the opposite sex. Let's see how the weekend goes... 
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