Watched the regal Federer in the Open down under. I remember him saying in an interview that he just focuses on the point at hand never bothering about the score , crowd or anything else interfere between him and the game. The focus on the present moment, a Zen like quality which almost makes him a Buddhist monk.
Its the same with addiction, for me. The whole day , like today for example, is so serene . Going to Sainsbury's in the morning, chatting up the girl at the counter , walking out into the glorious sunshine and hey i feel almost human, normal. But then just 10 minutes back I found myself going down the dark alleyway and checked myself, just stopped midway. I dont think I have done that before. Every second , especially when im alone i have to be watching myself , to be in the moment.
I dont think writing a blog will really cure me. There's no cure, once an addict , always an addict. But I hope to find out what exactly causes me to reoffend. What goes on in my mind... the evening was spent watching a couple of episodes of the frst series of 'That 70s show' with friends. Its back to work tomorrow.
